Happy Saturday!!!!

Hello everyone!!!! Stay tuned for tomorrow's post - "Mindful Living - Let Go"....but while you wait go ahead and take some time today to pause and meditate!!!! 

Mindful Living - "Accept"

 

Ok, so this has taken me some time. Just like millions of people around the world I myself struggle with the acceptance part of the whole mindful living idea. So I wanted to make sure I had enough time to sit on this and reflect before writing anything.

After lots of research and many hours of reflecting I realized that I do not agree with the most common meaning for the term "Acceptance":

"Acceptance in human psychology is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest."

The reason why I came to that realization is due to the fact that yes, I should accept the things I cannot change or that I do not have any control over, however, I do not believe that I should resign myself to those facts/situations that can and that maybe should be changed.

I am not a religious person and I am not a former alcoholic but every time I reflect on acceptance the first thing that comes to mind is the Christian Serenity Prayer:

 

By taking just the first part of the prayer you can already see that acceptance is much more than just resigning yourself to a fact/situation. Acceptance is the second step to change, the first being Awareness.

"Acceptance does not mean that we agree with what is happening or that we believe it must continue. Acceptance means that we are able to gaze into the face of the present and say, “You are in front of me, and I acknowledge you are here.” Leonard W. Noel @ The Meaning of Acceptance - Part 1

 

Acceptance means that you are aware, you recognize and you acknowledge the truth that lies in the present moment without trying to pull from it or judge it. You simply take it as it is and then you pause in the midst of it and make the intention to how you will respond to it.

“Many people think that self-acceptance means celebrating what’s there already: that you’re good enough, that you don’t have to make any changes. That’s not the case at all. Acceptance means accepting the fact that you’re responsible for a lot of your experience right now. You can’t blame anybody else. And ultimately that’s a good thing. If other people were ultimately responsible for shaping your experience, what could you do? You’d have to go around pleasing them all the time. But the key fact is that you’re shaping your pleasures and pains here in the present moment. Some of your experience comes from past actions, but a lot comes from the way you shape things with each present intention.” - Thanissaro Bhikkhu @ Reality Poses No Danger

 

So how is that we accept with the intention to change?

 

 

According to Tara Brach, we first need to learn how to pause and how to just be present in the moment. By allowing our bodies and minds to pause we are then able to find awareness and by doing so we are able to notice and acknowledge what is happening inside us ; we then allow our emotions to come to surface without judging them and without fearing them. 

“Learning to pause is the first step in the practice of Radical Acceptance. A pause is a suspension of activity, a time of temporary disengagement when we are no longer moving toward any goal. . . . The pause can occur in the midst of almost any activity and can last for an instant, for hours or for seasons of our life. . . . We may pause in the midst of meditation to let go of thoughts and reawaken our attention to the breath. We may pause by stepping out of daily life to go on a retreat or to spend time in nature or to take a sabbatical. . . . You might try it now: Stop reading and sit there, doing "no thing," and simply notice what you are experiencing.”  - Tara Brach @ Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

One of the struggles many people face (including myself!) while trying to learn and practice mindfulness is knowing that the process for achieving that is not always pretty or pleasant, in fact, it can be one of the biggest challenges in someone's life. Let's face it, sitting quietly and allowing all of your deep emotions to come out is not the easiest thing to do and it can not only make us uncomfortable but it can also cause us fear at times.

 

"By paying attention to memories, we tap the related emotions and feelings that are locked in the body. Once the psyche is open to what the body holds, the only way to face those feelings wisely and successfully, and in a way that leads to deep healing, is to be able to stay present with the pain when it arises. This can be very difficult, especially when the habit of recoiling or hiding from intense and unpleasant sensations is deeply entrenched. In my work with clients, this is where I see the tremendous value of meditation practices in training the mind." - Tara Brach @ Healing our Wounds: Returning Home to our Body

While writing all this I think not only about myself but about my husband. He's had a very hard life where in the past he lost everyone and everything to alcoholism. He hasn't drank in years now and he has been able to rebuild his life, his career and most of his relationships but that does not mean he has forgotten all those memories, feelings and emotions; for years he would tell me that "past emotions and experiences are like a bag of bricks and that at some point the load becomes too heavy to carry around so you just have to sit the bag down, forget about it and move on". Every time we would have such conversation I tried explaining him that you cannot only put your emotions, feelings and past experiences aside simply because they are what make you who you are today, therefore, you should recognize, face them and deal with them so that you are able to make the necessary changes and decisions to be open enough to be able to really move on with your life.

 

 

Well, it was not until he had to face his own demons that he's realized the importance of looking back into his own emotions, feelings and past experiences. A few months have passed since his breakdown and since then he has became a very different person. By learning to be open to himself he has now been able to be more open to me and to others; he has became much more attentive and more compassionate towards himself and towards those around him. I know he still has long ways to go and that he won't ever be perfect because none of us will ever be perfect in somebody else's eyes but watching him makes me understand the importance of awareness and acceptance when seeking not only change but freedom and peace of mind; it gives me the strength to face my own demons so that maybe one day I am able to find the freedom he has started to find for himself.

 

 

 

We are all built the same way. Our stories are what make us who we are; our bodies, our personalities, our moods and thoughts are all built during the early stages of our lives. Some of those experiences and emotions are then suppressed by the time we reach adulthood either because they are too difficult to deal with or because they just don't seem fit to the kind of life we believe we should have. What we don't realize though, is that by suppressing past experiences and emotions we are shutting ourselves out and that in itself not only causes us to be stuck in the past but it also causes us to fear the new, therefore, making us resistant to the changes life so often imposes to us. How can you change when you fear the change? How can you be open to change when you are not completely open to yourself?

“Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance. If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness. Radical Acceptance directly dismantles the very foundations of this trance.” - Tara Brach @ Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Acceptance is not and easy process and it will not happen overnight but it is not impossible. I truly believe that only once acceptance is found is that one will be able to experience a sense of complete freedom. By accepting who we are and how we feel we are then free to develop "tools" such as compassion and find ways to consciously change the facts/situations that can be changed. We learn to live life in the present moment and we learn to look at things as they are before we react to them or make any decisions.

“There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life.” - Tara Brach @ Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With The Heart Of A Buddha

 

 

A quick reflection...

The past couple of weeks have been busy and full of emotions. A lot has happened and I am sure a lot more is to come. 

All these events and emotions have made me very reflective about our next step on cultivating a mindfulness life.

Acceptance is not something easy to "develop", and differently from what most people may believe, it does not only mean settling on those things that cannot be changed; it means much more than that, it means finding the necessary peace to give you the freedom you need to change what you believe needs to be changed and to experience the changes with an open heart. 

I am almost ready to post about acceptance and how that should tie to the idea of mindfulness living...but I still need a couple more days or so to have all my ideas put together "on paper". So please, bare with me and while you wait I hope you enjoy this wonderful quote that says so much on what we will be discussing next:

"Each time you meet an old emotional pattern with presence, your awakening to truth can deepen. There’s less identification with the self in the story and more ability to rest in the awareness that is witnessing what’s happening. You become more able to abide in compassion, to remember and trust your true home. Rather than cycling repetitively through old conditioning, you are actually spiraling toward freedom." [Tara Brach, True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart]

Yoga & the beauty of connecting body, mind and soul...

We will not be talking yoga this evening but I found this video and was so touched by it that I decided to share. This is a good example of how much one can achieve and how far one can go when deciding to live a mindful life, by being aware and by putting that awareness into action. 

As discussed on previous post [Mindfulness Living - "Noticing"], the first step to achieving mindfulness is being aware or to notice what you feel, why you feel it, how you feel it and where you feel it. Feelings and thoughts are what make us who we are and even though the body plays a big role to living, it is still only a shell carrying the results of our daily thoughts and feelings.

The next step to a mindful living is "accepting" and we will discuss it more in depth during the coming week.; however, I do believe it is important for us to pause here for a little reflecting before we move along. 

Noticing and accepting our thoughts and feelings does not mean you cannot change the things you are able to change. It only means that you no longer fight or avoid those facts that consume you but instead, you face them, you recognize them and by doing so you accept them without judging yourself. You fight your "monsters" and you embrace your truly self. 

Once all that is achieved you will then find yourself (body, mind and soul) more open to change; some of the changes might even happen imperceptibly. In other words, you consciously and purposely notice (what do I feel?/ why do I feel it?/ how do I delete it?/ where do I feel it?), you let it be (create awareness on what is that I believe is "wrong"), you let it go (acceptance). You then feel confident and stronger because now you know that you've got what it is needed, because you love yourself just the way you are, imperfect yet perfect and beautiful by your own eyes. And because you now love yourself and you love life you will live more mindfully and change what needs changing in order to achieve that.

I was told several times - back when I used to take Tang So Do (a type of martial arts) - that "your body will give up a million times before your mind will". It took me a while but I understand it now...only once mind, body and soul are connected and working in unison is that one becomes capable of doing anything and everything! 

I hope you all enjoy the video. Here's for an awesome and mindful week... Never Give Up!!!

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=6868628147093

Namasté! 

Mindful Living - "Notice"

I have spent a great deal of time this week reflecting on the first of the three basics elements of awareness: Noticing. 

"Notice" is a term commonly and often used whenever you get yourself into studying/practicing meditation, Buddhism and yoga. But what does "notice" really mean? And how to know when and where to notice? And how to add that practice to your daily life?

So first let's recapture the meaning of the term "mindfulness". Despite being a widely used and simple concept, mindfulness is a challenging practice evolved around the idea of oneself paying attention to - noticing - the present moment. In other words, one needs to become "aware" and in order to do so one needs to first "notice" which is seem as the action of deliberate paying attention to the present moment with curiosity and in a non-judgmental way.

Jon Kabat-Zinn at http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/mindfulness.htm

Noticing in this case should happen on purpose and it should be a conscious act where feelings and thoughts are curiously observed as "events in the mind, without over-identifying with them, and without reacting to them in an automatic, habitual pattern of reactivity" [New Jersey Center for Mindful Awareness]. The observance should be non-attached where one observers his own thoughts and feelings; however, does not allow himself to get immersed in and/or overwhelmed by them.

By noticing feelings and thoughts one may discover and explore a whole new world that is presented to him where intuition, observance and acceptance play a main role on the path of mindful awareness and mindful living.

We can use our thoughts — not in order to make decisions, or to take positions, but in order to bring into consciousness the way things are, the way of our own existence on planet Earth as human beings. Using thoughtful reflection helps us to be intuitive, to observe and to accept. If we don’t develop this ability, we end up making very harsh value judgments about ourselves and the world. [Ajahn Sumedho at We need to put ourselves into perspective]

Since we are born we are taught to behave and think in a way to help us achieve goals and become something/somebody worthy to the society. Most of the time we are taught that feelings are a sign of weakness and that thoughts are only worthy if and when they have a purpose. We learn that in order to find joy in our lives we need to behave in a certain way and work hard to become a well established individual even if that costs you the time to simply be. What we are not taught, though, is that human beings are made of thoughts and feelings and that our bodies are nothing but shells created by nature and the universe used to carry the results of one's every-day thoughts and feelings. 

The world is so full of bodies, but in reality there is only one — that of nature herself whose chain of being and substance is what made us — rather than any act of heroic will or intellectual choice. Every bit of us and every bit of everything else on this world of ours is indissolubly linked. [John Aske at The Enlightened Body]

 Space is created between the body (shell) and the mind whenever one is able to create and practice awareness by noticing his own every day thoughts and feelings. And it is within this space that one will then start reflecting more mindfully about life events, therefore, being able to take, accept and let go of the every day life "unpleasantness". By noticing "why you feel it", "how you feel it", and "where you feel it" one is able to understand the present moment - the right now - and by understanding such one is more inclined to accept the facts with more clarity and more willingness and no longer see himself as a victim or a judge but as an active participant to his own thoughts and feelings at this very moment. In other words, one understands the preciousness of taking the time to pause, notice, let it be (awareness) and let it go (acceptance).

Pain, disease, fear, desire, depression, despair, worry—when we allow ourselves to feel these things fully, then we are not caught in the conditions that cause suffering; we are actually transcending suffering. In our willingness to feel and witness the way things are, in those moments where there is pure awareness and acceptance, there is no suffering. Suffering is what we create out of our own ignorance. [Ajahn Sumedho at We need to put ourselves into perspective]

Noticing will then make one more open towards himself which then will lead to openness to life itself. When you are open to life the "unpleasantness" will then give space to awareness where one notices "why he feels it", "how he feels it", and "where he feels it". By being able to answer these three questions one then starts to take the present moment as it is and not how it should - or how he thought it should - be. 

If our hearts are ready for anything, we are free to be ourselves. There’s room for the wildness of our animal selves, for passion and play. There’s room for our human selves, for intimacy and understanding, creativity and productivity. There’s room for spirit, for the light of awareness to suffuse our moments. [Tara Brach at A Heart That Is Ready For Anything]

Try answering these three questions today, right now at this very moment and do so on purpose, with an open and awaken mind and without any judgment. Once you are able to answer these questions honestly and openly you will find yourself one step closer to acceptance, awareness and to mindful living.

* Why do I feel___________?

* How do I feel it?

* Where do I feel it?

Pausing is also the gateway to Radical Acceptance. In the midst of a pause, we are giving room and attention to the life that is always streaming through us, the life that is habitually overlooked. It is in this rest that we realize the natural freedom of our heart and awareness. This is not something we need to look for; it’s right here. We need only commit ourselves to arriving, here and now, with wholehearted presence—and it naturally finds us. [Tara Brach at Freedom Finds Us When We Pause]

Just for fun - Duck Does Yoga

So once you get to know me a little better you will realize my love for the yoga practice. Well, I have been preaching yoga to my bestie Angie for about a month now and so this morning she's sent me this quick video which made me smile...actually it made me laugh out loud (click on the title "Duck Does Yoga" to be redirected)! So I thought I'd share it with you just for the fun of it! Happy Monday everyone! ;-)

Duck does Yoga

A journey...

So we are going to start this by explaining the title for this blog: "A journey to connecting body, mind & soul."

For a while now I have researched and reflected and meditated on the reasons why we all seem to be so hungry for connection. I have reflected on some questions such as "What does connection mean?", "Are we connected with ourselves and with others?", "how do we or are connected to ourselves and others?", "How does our lifestyle and the technology affect the types of connections we have?" and finally, "Am I really connected to myself and others?"

Several definitions can be found for the term "connection" but for now we are going to use the one I have found during a quick web search: "a relationship in which a person, thing or idea is linked or associated with something else". According to this definition, in order to achieve a connection there has to be two links whether these links are people, things, ideas etc. 

Although this is a broad definition it is still not the definition I am looking for when referring to the term. The way we view "connection" nowadays has become very distorted. I find it humorous that technology is created and improved every day to break the barriers of distance where at the same time it creates (or re-creates) distance and barriers just as defined. How many times have you gone out to eat and you notice a family or a group of people who does not interact with each other but seem to have such a deep and intense relationship with their phones? And I am not saying that I haven't done it myself; I have had my share of sitting at a table with my husband/family/ friends and becoming completely oblivious as I get so engulfed into my own "little social world". 

Connection is understood as the meanings -or tools- that we have created in order to keep in touch and reach out to the world. Letters have given place to emails and text messages; face to face meetings have given place to again, emails, text messages and also conference calls, web cameras, etc. One doesn't really need much more than a few clicks into a social media website in order to know how a family member or friend is doing...why call when you can just click, click, click and read all about it? And again, I am faulty of the same things. I'd rather text message you a thousand times a day than just talking to you for maybe10 minutes or so over the phone. Then what is wrong with that picture and why am I writing this when I do the same things everyone else does?

Well, for months now I have been reflecting on my depression, the way I see the universe and the way I connect to myself and others. It was during a brief conversation with one of my yoga teachers and owner of the yoga studio I attend that I had the "ah ha" moment. I was telling her about my depression and about this emptiness that I just can't explain because I just have no idea of what it is that I feel like it is missing. I go on about everything that I have, loving husband, nice job, nice car, nice house, beautiful cat etc etc etc. and then she interrupts me and says: "It is not that you feel empty, it is just that you have not yet found the connection with yourself". So that was the moment when I started reading about mindfulness living, meditation, and so many other subjects that up until then I had never thought about because of course, to me, in my own little social word, everything was fine and I was just oh so connected to the universe out there. Little did I know!

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn*, "Mindfulness is basically just a particular way of paying attention and the awareness that rises through paying attention in that way. It is a way of looking deeply into oneself in the spirit of self-inquiry and self-understanding". For this reason it can be learned and practiced...". 

If you think about your relationships, how really deep and open are they? Not much, huh? In order to build an open relationship with somebody else you first need to build and open, deep and honest relationship with yourself. The way to do so is simple but not easy just as when you start learning yoga and the basic poses seem so very simple but then when you try to perform them you realize they are all so challenging and so not easy. But you have spot start from the basics, the roots so that you can achieve the awareness necessary to live mindfully.  And here I am going to refer to another one of Jon Kabat-Zinn's passages*: "Cultivating mindfulness can lead to the discovery of deep realms of well-being, calmness, and insight within yourself. It is as if you were to come upon a new territory, previously unknown to you or only vaguely suspected, which contains a veritable wellspring of positive energy for self-understanding and healing...This domain of pure being, of wakefulness, is always accessible to you. It is always here, independent of your problems."

In order to cultivate mindfulness one needs to learn, understand and put into practice what seems to be a very basic concept but that in reality it is often ignored, not considered or simply unknown to some people and that is "awareness".

Awareness can be developed by learning, understating and practicing three basic concepts**:

1- Notice how you feel now. Do you feel happy, sad, confused? Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel cold or warm? Do you feel your heart beating? Do you feel your mind racing? What are you thinking about? Are you worried about something that happened or maybe about something that it is still to happen? Or maybe you don't feel anything, you feel numb? Just notice.

2- Accept the fact that you feel what you feel and do not allow yourself to self-judge or to get caugh up on the little details of things. Notice and accept. So if for instance you notice that you are sad you notice, you listen to what makes you sad, you do not judge but instead you trust in the moment and being patient with yourself you accept the sadness as it is until you are ready to come to terms with it and move on to the next step for awareness.

3- Let go of whatever you feel or don't feel and focus in the present moment. And here you go back to noticing but now you notice your breathing and you allow your mind and your body to let go and to just be in with the moment. 

By introducing awareness to your life you are then able to see and feel things more clearly. You not only are aware of who you are but you are also more open because you accept yourself with all your "flaws", therefore, you are no longer scared of sharing your truly self with the universe. It has been through introducing awareness to my days that I have realized that I am in fact not connected to myself which means I am very little to not connected at all to others. I too have allowed technology and fear of who I am and how the world sees me to impose barriers that come high and strong between me and the universe. But then again, I have noticed, am on my way to acceptance - which will lead for changes I am sure - until I can finally let go and be truly the amazing still imperfect being that I am and that I want the world to see. 

So if you are still reading this, I may or may not have answered all the questions I had presented to you in the beginning of this "conversation" and that is fine. We are all on a journey here and just as in any other journey the important thing is definitely not finding all the answers but seeking for and questioning them at your own pace, your own time until you are ready to move on to the next one and so on. I will finish this with a quote I have reflected upon a lot here lately***:

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ~ Dalai Lama XIV

So what I have been trying to tell you with my long speech here is that on this blog you will find all the things that happen to cross my path during the journey of self-discovery, self-understand, self-acceptance and self-love. Hope you are with me through it all but if for some reason you decide this is not for you, please do not judge, simply accept it and move on. 😉

References & Notes:

* Full Catastrophe Living - Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness -  Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. -2013 

** Many more "steps" can be cited when talking about mindfulness and awareness but the basic principle is always the same: notice, accept, let go. If you want to deepen your knowledge in that area please refer to the work of authors/speakers such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Tara Brach, Brené Brown, Dalai Lama etc. you can also find more on that when reading about the Budhism principles. 

***Dalai Lama quotes - http://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/20-wise-quotes-from-the-dalai-lama-xiv/